Frankly Friday v4: I have a problem

Friday, October 12, 2012

It's been far too long since I've linked up with my beautiful friend Amy from Taking Steps Home for Frankly Friday! I'm behind.

Don't laugh at that. I know there is more than one. I have a recent problem that is eating away at me. And this is a long story, so sit back, grab some tea or your PSL and read on. I'll try to be brief.
One of my good friends from high school moved away, got married and is getting ready to deploy for Egypt soon as part of her military service. Lots going on in her life, obviously.
She got married in a really small wedding in March 2011. And when I say small, I mean she told us about the wedding a month in advance; we drove to NC the day before the wedding; wore plaid shirts, jeans and flip-flops; put together the play list on her iPod the night we got there; and had homemade pulled pork at the 50-person reception. That's all fine and dandy, but it wasn't planned out really at all.
I haven't really kept in touch with my friend since her wedding. We rarely text, she's called me once and every now and then we'll comment/post back and forth on Facebook.
Now I would like her to be involved in my wedding, mainly because I feel like I have to have her in it since I was in hers. But since we haven't been in touch and she's going to be deployed for about a year (note: we're a year and a few months away from the wedding) I feel like it's going to be a pain. She won't be able to order a bridesmaid's dress from Egypt, be at the showers/parties, etc. And who knows if she would anyway if she was in the states? I mean NC to Ohio is a long drive/expensive flight.
And I am a planner. BIG time. I need to plan and have things set in stone. Having her in Egypt knowing she may or may not be back for the wedding stressed me out like you wouldn't believe.
I'm just not sure it's worth asking.
So I came to a conclusion: I'll ask her to read verses during the ceremony! That way she is involved and doesn't have to deal with the dress, planning, etc.
I know it wasn't the best, but I texted her and asked her. We'd been texting most of the day already and texting is our normal mode of communication, so why not? Plus with her being busy with deployment prep, it's hard to get a call in. I explained why, and what she'd be doing.
Problem: it's been almost 48 hours and I haven't heard back and FRANKLY I'm worried.
Mind you we were in the middle of a conversation when I asked, and our lovely iPhones have these fancy "read receipts" where you can see if and when (i.e. "Read at 9:23 p.m.") someone read your message. And she read it
Is she offended? Too busy to respond? Never going to speak to me again? Crying her eyes out about possibly not being there for my wedding?
I. Have. No. Idea. And it's killing me.
I'm one of those people who can't stand if another is mad at them. Who cares if she's states away and I won't see her for 1+ years? I'm confused.
Thoughts? I could really use input and advice from you guys :(


  1. Call her. Ask if she is upset. Talk it out.

    I always tell people that I don't think anyone should ask anyone to be any part of their wedding until about six months before the wedding. Relationships can change so much in a year. :)

    Sorry that this is stressing you out. The quickest way to a real answer is a phone call. I know it might be hard but a call will mean a lot more than another text or email. :) Good luck!

    1. I agree and I'm not asking anyone else until later but she's deploying to Egypt with the military soon so I had to ask.
      She eventually did answer, so problem solved :) I haaate talking on the phone so I'm glad I didn't have to call.

  2. I would call her and just ask her to be honest with how she's feeling and be honest with whether she wants to do it or not. She might find it stressful to be deployed and then as soon as she gets back be trying to figure out how to get to Ohio to be in the wedding. She also might be worried that something could happen (deployment change/etc) and she wouldn't be able to be there and wouldn't want to stress you out with that. She might not be offended, she actually might be worrying about offending you. That's just my take! It's best to talk it out though, because you will want to get that squared away now!

    1. She eventually got back to me and isn't thrilled (mainly because the situation is out of her hands with the military), but she understands. Thank goodness. I was so stressed and still am because I know she's not happy. UGH.

  3. I would call and ask. I think it's wonderful that you still wanted to include her in some part of your wedding. Talk it through and I'm sure everything will work itself out.

    P.S. I just nominated you for the Liebster Award! :-) LOVE reading your blog!!!

    1. Thank you, Sara! That means a lot. And thanks for the advice. She did text me back eventually and is not happy but understands.

  4. I agree with the other commenters.
    Call and ask and then if she is talk it out. I'm sure once you explain she will be able to understand where you're coming from. If she can't, then well, {and i don't mean this to sound harsh} it isn't like you have much a friendship to lose. It seems like your friendship isn't in much of an existence. I know your pain though. One of my best friends got married this past may and i was her maid of honor. The catch is that over the last 4/6 years we haven't really been close. We text now and then, fb here and there, grab lunch whenever, but it isn't a very communicative friendship. However, i love always spending time with her. We can just sit, watch a movie, not talk, and it's the best hour and a half i've had in a while. :)
    Just know that sometimes friendships last for a season...and it is OK. :)

    1. She said she understands but she isn't happy about it. Mainly because she feels "kicked out" of the group because she moved away/is being deployed for a year. It's really a situation that's out of both our hands, so it's hard on us both.
      In the last few years since she moved away, we have really grown apart, and if I were honest with myself, I would say I'm relieved she won't be part of the actual wedding party. It sounds terrible, but I really want my BEST friends to be a part of that, and that's just not her anymore. You are so, SO right about the "seasonal friendships." It happens!
      Thanks for all the support <3


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