Frankly Friday v5

Friday, October 19, 2012

Linking up with my bloggy friend Amy at Taking Steps Home!
Big day. Huge day. I'm going shopping for my wedding dress on Sunday.
I'm usually a quick shopper. Get in, get out, get what you want. I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be a bit more challenging.
Frankly, I am so not ready for this. Not because I'm getting cold feet, but physically I am so behind.
Last summer I started the 5k couch program thingy and kicked ass for about six of the eight weeks. Then I got asthma. Womp, womp. It took a few weeks to figure out what was going on and by then I was so behind it was sad. So I quit.
Right after I got engaged, one of my best friends and I went to the gym and hit it hard. We went steady for about a month, and then started slacking. So I quit.
Apparently, I'm a quitter. I haven't felt motivated, not even to get in a wedding dress. 
See, I've been emotionally scarred by shopping. Most of the time I'm with my model-sized sisters, and I'm not model-sized. Everything fits them perfectly everywhere and looks like a million bucks. Me? I have to search high and low to find something to fit, and then it'll fit my waist but not my boobs, or my legs but not my hips. Not pleasant.
There are other things, like my mother, that discourage me. She means well I think but some of the things she says still hurt. For example, earlier in the week right after I made my appointment we were talking about what I needed to bring (shoes, bra, jewelry, etc.) and she said "I've been thinking, what kind of dress do you want?" And I replied with the basics like a-line, strapless. She interrupted and said "Well you're built like me so you won't look good in a strapless so that eliminates a lot of dress right there."
Really, Mom?
Then there was prom/homecoming dress shopping. I had the pleasure of attending all four of my high school homecomings and four proms because as a freshman and sophomore I was asked by upperclassmen to go. Again, shopping for evening gowns is not fun when you're a bigger girl. They're all fitted and shaped for girls with perfect bodies and curves...which is not me. Did I find dresses? Yes. Did I like them? Yes.
Difference is, this dress I have to love and really look good in. Look the way I wanna look. It's not entirely about looks, and I know that. But really, pictures are all that's left after that day and I want them to be positive things for me to look at, not bad reminders of what I could have looked like. And the dress options are significantly more plentiful if you are in shape and I want to be able to get the dress I want, not the dress I fit in.
More than that, I want to be healthy. Lately I have been so. freaking. tired. that it's hard to get up, go to class and not need a nap mid-day. And that's embarrassing.
So I'm gonna try. For me, for my fiance and for my health.

17 comments:

  1. I have faith that you're going to find your dress quickly... don't worry! Mine was the 3rd one I tried on :-) And don't let anyone get you down, you'll find one that you love that makes you feel awesome!

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  2. Oh dress shopping. I wanted to be "get in get out" and ended up crying in the dressing room because nothing looked like I wanted it to. (I'm also not a shopper so I had probably only tried on three lol) My mom had to remind me that there are more dresses in the world and to just keep looking and eventually there would be something. There is always something. The next dress was "the one".

    It helped me to think back to my homecoming/prom dresses and remember what I bought and what I thought looked good on me/in pictures. My wedding dress was actually the same style as my senior year prom dress, but just in white! haha

    I know you will find something that you love, and don't get down on yourself. You are beautiful JUST AS YOU ARE. Not everyone is built like a model (I'm sure not!) and you are gorgeous, I think so, your fiance thinks so, and if YOU think so too, you won't be able to lose. You will look fabulous on your day whether you find the energy to work out often or not! I think it always makes me feel better to eat healthy and be active, but you can't let that define how you feel about yourself! Be proud of YOU!

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    1. Oh my gosh I have a feeling my senior prom dress style will be the same style I pick out!
      And thank you so, so much. I really need that right now! I'm stressing and a little positive reinforcement is always welcome. I will do my best :)

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  3. Oooh, Genna. I'm so sorry you feel stressed out about something that should be happy. I wish I could say something to make everything ok.

    But here's the thing. You're beautiful. You are. You may not have the model body your sisters have, and I know how rough that is because I dealt with a model-perfect sister growing up too. But you are beautiful. Because of the way you look, yes, but also because of the personality that shines through in your appearance.

    And another thing? Cameron already thinks you're a knock out stunner. I promise he does.

    So what you need to do is find a dress that makes you feel as gorgeous as you are. There might be a lot in between now and then that aren't the right dress. Notice what I said there? It's not your body that's wrong, even when the dress doesn't fit. It's not you. It's that the dress isn't your perfect fit. There are a million different bodies out there and not every dress was made for every body type. It's not your fault, and your body isn't somehow wrong. It's just that the dress wasn't made for you.

    And that's ok. Because there is one out there that will make you look and feel like you're walking down a runway when you're walking down the aisle.

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    1. You. are. awesome. Thank you so much for all that. Promise I wasn't fishing for compliments with this, but I just needed some type of confirmation I guess. Love you and this comment :):)

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    2. Somehow I never knew you answered comments this way and am looking back through my comments I've left. :) I know what you mean about not fishing for compliments -- I felt the same way when I posted about my 5k. But sometimes you just put stuff out there and people are encouraged by it or identify with it or just admire you for it and you're gonna get the compliments. ha. You're awesome and you're just gonna have to get used to it! :)

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  4. Ya know... I don't think I've ever seen a bride that didn't look amazing. :) And the best thing about wedding dresses is that they will alter it to fit your body. You are beautiful... right now.

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    1. Ah. Wonderful advice, my friend :) Thanks so much!

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  5. You ARE beautiful! <3
    Seriously, i'm not just saying that.
    I know exactly what you mean about shopping. I'm a bigger girl and i HATE that i dont feel good in clothing. I actually LOVE clothes shopping, but hate it at the same time. My friend calls me her "stylist" because i find her awesome outfits to wear. THe girl is petite, skinny, with a rockin' set of legs...sometimes i think "dang i've got to get with it".
    I'm a quitter too when it comes to exercise, but what a great reason to get fit: to enjoy the rest of your life! <3

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    1. Thank you, Amy! I'm glad you feel my pain (not in that way, but I'm glad you understand!). And totally know that feeling. If I could fit into half the clothes I see, I would be pretty freakin stylish!

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  6. Girl. This is YOUR day. YOUR dress. And you will find the one that makes you look like the most freaking beautiful model princess on the planet. Do NOT get discouraged - you will find the dress of all dresses, and it will be like it was made for you. Your curves will look rockin', and you will be the talk of the town.

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    1. You're awesome. Best advice ever I think! Here's to hoping it works :)

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  7. First time to your blog - came here from Amy's. :)

    But I agree w/ the other comments. You are beautiful! And your fiance loves how you look! And you know...the thing about wedding dresses is - they have so many styles & sizes - more so than in any store for a regular dress. I had an easier time finding my wedding dress than any other dress I've needed! Ha! Mine as the second one i tried on. I LOVED IT. I would go put it on now if i could! HA!

    I am overweight...by a lot. And you know what? I still felt beautiful & comfortable & confident on my wedding day - because i found a dress that looked good on me, that was THE DRESS. You will find that dress, too! I know you will.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Melissa! You're totally right about the styles and sizes. I have friends who've gotten married recently that are curvy like me and they've looked stunning in their dress, so why shouldn't I? Thanks for the advice!

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  8. I hope your dress shopping day went well. I totally identify with your struggles! I hide it well (so I'm told) but I'm actually 30 pounds over where I ought to be. And I can't keep up with a couch to 5k, either! There's a perfect dress for you. I know it's hard to tune out the voices (mom....) but it's good for you to develop some selective hearing. Especially while planning a wedding! Keep it fun! You'll be gorgeous when your day comes!

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    1. Oh it was very successful! My doctor's charts, I'm probably more than 30 pounds over where I should be, but I don't mind being curvy. Don't get me wrong, I could stand to lose a few to be healty, but curvy is just fine with me! Thank you for your sweet comment, Sarah :)

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