Wedding woes pt. 2: on (possibly) not inviting children

Thursday, February 14, 2013

In a nutshell, these are my sentiments right now. Just plain ready to scream via
Yay for more planning problems! Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things that are going well in my planning. I would update you, but I'm doing things so slowly that I feel like I'm doing nothing at all so I'm not sure where to start.
However, since we got our engagement pictures back I have started designing save the dates and our invitation suite. Thankfully I have gotten really good at InDesign in my time as editor of a newspaper that uses ID for a weekly paper.
The problem? We are currently debating an adult-only reception (excluding immediate family so his few nieces and nephews can be there) but are really worried about offending people. There's a number of reasons for this.
First, our guest list is close to 250 and we are aiming for 200. Having an adult-only reception would put us just about 220 (and of course not all 220 will come).
Second, Cam's sister tells me horror stories of her wedding all the times. Kids were crying and screaming, her flower girl/ring bearer were awful, etc. Frankly, I don't wanna deal with that the day of.
Third, I won't have to worry about providing kids meal and entertainment for the reception. Our hall is really awesome, but it has limited space so finding an area for the kids would be really hard.
Lastly, we are just not entirely fond of kids. This is different when the kids are your own or close to you, but when you aren't close to any of these children they aren't nearly as cute.
We aren't sure we want to have children down the road. We've pretty much adopted the "if it happens, it happens" mentality. He's been traumatized by his mom's babysitting sometimes five or six kids at home and my younger sisters made me swear up and down that I'd never have a girl.
There are a lot of family and family friends on our guest lists that have children, and I am deathly worried about offending someone. I know it's my day and it's definitely not that I don't like their children. I think the guests that have children should get a babysitter and make a date of it.
Weddings are hard, people.

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16 comments:

  1. girl you can choose to have or NOT have children at your wedding, no biggie there. I don't really want them at mine just because i know it can be distracting...i think it's 100% ok to feel that way!

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    1. I think distracting in an understatement! My future SIL said her flower girl SCREAMED the entire ceremony and I'm like, uh...on my wedding video I wanna be able to hear our vows! I am so glad I'm not the only one.

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  2. ADULT ONLY RECEPTION ALL THE WAY!!!!! I've already proclaim/forewarned/SHOUTED that if I ever get married...I'm having an adult-only reception.... There's a GAZILLION kids in my family. And I don't want them running everywhere at my reception (if there ever is one). It's annoying. PLUS, think of it as a date night for the parents. I mean really, you're going out, drinking, enjoying yourselves...and then you're loading your children into the van...and driving them home after having alcholic beverages? ehhhh..not smart. Just my opinion. But I support you dude.

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    1. Thank goodness I'm not the only one! And I think the parents will be glad to be kid-free for a night. They should be thanking me lol! Thanks for the suport girl :)

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  3. I'll leave a response since I am a person who has been invited to a wedding and the kids were not... it's not that big of a deal. Why would someone get offended over that? I honestly like having a reason to leave te kids at home and just go out to a wedding with my husband. It's nice. I actually get to dance with him instead of my kids haha.

    I don't know that it's as big a deal as you are thinking it is. :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Laura! I was hoping a parent would give me their input. I guess I'm mainly worried about family? Like cousins being upset their kids weren't invited or something. But I really appreciate the reassurance :) made me feel SO much better!

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  4. I think it's your wedding and you want your day to be special in your way - and if htat means no kids, well people are just going to have to deal with that. A wedding is known about in plenty of time that people can make arrangements for children and as long as you don't play favorites, I think little could be said for who comes and who doesn't.

    And as a mother myself, while I love my little girl like the dickens, I absolutely ADORE having a good date night with just my husband. And a wedding for adults only - perfect excuse!

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    1. You're damn right they're gonna have to deal with it! Haha but really, if Cam's few nieces and nephews are the only ones, I will not be upset. They'll all be old enough to handle themselves. And I am so glad you see the "date night" idea like I do. Having a parent's opinion makes me feel a thousand times less stressed.

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  5. I've heard and read a lot about this debate, and some adults really like the excuse to have a night to themselves. And I think your reasons are completely valid. It is, after all, your day, and it should be as you want it.

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    1. Heck yes it is! Lol but I agree, a night out without the kids is perfect and a wedding is a good excuse.

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  6. I didn't invite many kids, and it was fine. I love kids, but we decided not to b/c the price per head was for every person 6 years old and up! The same price whether they were 7 or 47! And we just didn't want to shell out that kind of money for someone who MIGHT eat 2 chicken nuggets! ;)

    I invited my flower girl, of course, and the children of family members. I had been a nanny for 3 years before getting married & was really close to them, so i invited them. But that was it, and it was fine.

    I will say that some don't understand that "Mr & Mrs Smith" does not mean "Mr & Mrs Smith and family". :) I had one person message me asking if kids were invited... um, if the invite doesn't say it, they're NOT. But if you write "adult only reception" or something, you won't have that problem.

    We did have probably 10-15 kids at a 300-guest wedding. So that's not many considering how many guests. If any of them were making too much noise, i never heard it! Haha!

    But i agree with Laura - most will be happy to have an excuse to have a night w/o the kids! :)

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    1. My fiance's nieces and nephews hardly eat anything when we go out to eat and it's so frustrating. I can only imagine 80% of the $30/plate meal would be wasted. Gaaah, so much money right down the drain.
      And yes I am a little worried about people maybe including their kids on their RSVPs without me having invited them. I did put adult only on the invites so hopefully that clues them in! We will probably have 6-8 but they'll only be his immediate family's children so I think that should be okay!
      Thank you so, so much for the support!

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  7. I would imagine that most will be excited to have a nigh away from the kiddos!

    Make the decision that feels right to you! Don't worry about offending people, from my experience it's impossible not to offend SOMEONE while planning a wedding, but they always get over it.

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    1. Ahhh that's good to hear. I really needed some reassurance with this. I thought maybe I was the only one thinking some parents might appreciate it.
      This is definitely the way I see our ceremony, and I think if people are offended they're just gonna have to deal with it.

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  8. I find that most people get baby sitters in general because they want to have fun at the wedding! I have several friends who needed to put it on the invitations because there venue was smaller - my husband and I just had a late night wedding and reception so most people left kids at home and we had a big enough space that it would be okay if they came!

    ONE: don't feel bad making the decisions you need to for your wedding! if you cannot have kids than don't. I would focus most on the lack of room (not the fact that you don't like them) in the invitation you can say something like "due to space we ask that you leave your littles with a baby sitter" most people will get that.

    TWO: no matter what there are some people in this world who will get hurt by just about anything. people were hurt that we didn't get married in a church, that our bridal party was to big, that our wedding was too late, that you had to drive into the mountains a little bit, that we didn't have a unity candle.... etc. it is your wedding and not theirs. so be concerned about the majority of people, not the people who will be hurt no matter what.

    THREE: write invitations to adults only (do not write family) most people will get the hint.

    FOUR: just don't have any kids in the wedding. those are the ones you will have to deal with. if a parent brings their kids, they will take care of them. the parents will figure out what to feed there kids and leave early anyways to get them to bed. and you most likely wont even notice. wedding are funny that way. everyone says you don't remember much from that day and you just float through everything and that really happens! I lived it.

    just my thoughts :) i am a new follower and excited to be here!

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  9. Elizabeth! I'm so freaking excited you're here because you are a newlywed which is exactly who I need input from! (And I just spent an hour stalking your blog...no big deal :) ) I really appreciate the affirmation that I'm doing the right thing. No one on my side of the family has ever planned a wedding before, so I am turning to blog land to help me!
    One, I totally agree. It really is about the space and the money (because $30 a plate for a child that will eat maybe 1/4 of it is ridiculous). And two, you're right, nobody's gonna love everything..but it's not about them which is my obstacle. I just wanna please everybody lol.
    I do have adult only on the invitations so hopeful people ready carefully lol

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