Frankly Friday v13: accountability

Friday, March 1, 2013

There is a huge burden on an engaged woman called body image. Not to say women who aren't yet engaged or who have been engaged don't feel this, but I think women who are engaged feel this extra.
I feel like every single day I am reminded that I will have to look at wedding pictures for the rest of my life and not only should I be in the best shape, but everything should look perfect. Hair, skin, nails, etc.
Talk about a burden.
Frankly, I've been struggling with accountability. It is just plain hard. I have to hold myself accountable for all these things that need to be perfect for the wedding. And that's not fun.
A few weeks ago I made a trip to the dermatologist to begin my journey with accountability. I've been fighting acne forever, and that is one of the biggest things I wanted to take care of for the wedding. I was rewarded with three topical creams/washes and a daily pill. If there's one thing I hate it's having to remember to take all this crap. Alarms or not, it's really annoying.
The other part of the dermatologist got a little more personal. I was a swimmer for a very long time and part of swimming is sometimes dealing with what you contract from the pool deck. Gross, but true. So I got a rash on my foot similar to athlete's foot (do yourself a favor and DON'T Google that. Ew). Mine isn't severe, but I've been dealing with it for literally almost eight years. Nothing over the counter worked. So the dermatologist gave me another cream. Lucky me.
That brings my grand total to four daily creams and a daily pill.
But it doesn't stop there.
I've mentioned before that I've been seeing a counselor in hopes of getting to the bottom of things. She suggested I see a psychiatrist. The psych was great. He put my anxiety/dysthymia/ocd in terms I could understand: the brain is just like any other organ, when you have an issue, you treat it. If I had a heart disorder, you'd get meds to correct it. Now I have a brain disorder and I have to correct it. I won't be on meds forever, but until it's corrected. I met with him yesterday and ta-da! Another pill. Bringing me to four creams and two pills. WHAT. Talk about annoying. Too much to remember and to top it off I get more anxious about the possibility of forgetting. Counterproductive?
So I'm dealing, slowly but surely, with all of my issues and holding myself accountable and fighting my own stigma about mental disorders. I haven't even told my own family about it and here I am admitting it to all 123 of you.
Maybe my weight will be next.
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14 comments:

  1. I think you are lovely just how you are. I can understand wanting to treat the acne. But when it comes to looking at wedding pictures for the rest of your life... well... I've been married ten years now and guess how often I look at my pictures... Oooooh, maybe once a year when I am in the attic looking for something else and I stumble across the album haha.

    They always say when you get married you hang those pictures all over the house... until you have kids. Then you start replacing the wedding ones with photos of your kids.

    Anyways... I actually wrote a post about all this a few Frankly Fridays ago. It's here if you are interested... http://laurablogsagain.blogspot.com/2012/12/beauty.html


    (I use an awful lot of "dot dot dots" hahah.)

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    1. That's a relief! You are the first person who has told me that haha. And that makes sense replacing them with your kids. Transition in life I suppose. And I will definitely take a look at it!

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  2. You can do it! I know it seems like a lot, but you'll settle into a pill & cream routine... uhh, that sounds funny (or dirty...). I take a lot of meds for having Crohn's Disease. I've been taking daily pills since I was 8, but sometimes I forget! When I'm going through a flare, or when I need to be extra-vigilant about it, just a sticky note taped to the mirror that says "Have you taken this pill today?" makes a huge difference. Good luck!

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    1. Hahaha you're right it does a bit. And that sticky note idea is great! Thanks so much!

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  3. I can't articulate any sort of coherent response. Just know that I'm here and reading and love and support you. :)

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  4. ::hugs:: i am so proud of you for being so honest with not only yourself but with others, i know how hard that is.
    Genna you are truly so inspiring and so beautiful and getting to know you has been a blessing!
    I am here for you if you ever need to vent, yell, skype whatever! <3
    You're on the right path, bettering yourself and getting to the root of some issues...again i'm SO proud of you!

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    1. Thank you!!! It means so much to have a friend like you to support me, Amy <3

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  5. It does sound like a LOT to take on, but you can do it!! You are going to be so proud of yourself when you look back and remember this time and how hard it was. Keep up the great work, focus on one thing at a time, and you will accomplish anything you want! Don't forget that you have the support of so many readers! :)

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    1. You are SO sweet and SO right! It's the one thing at a time that always gets me because I convince myself that I can do it all. Thank you so much, Jessica!

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  6. I remember feeling the pressure before getting married [nearly 8 years ago] but I was so in love with my husband [still am] that when the day came, I didn't give two hoots about not losing the weight I thought I had too. [I didn't lose crap]I found a dress I loved, I was surrounded by amazing friends & family and at the end of that church aisle stood a man who loved me.

    You'll feel it too. So, while I think it's fantastic that you're doing something you feel will help you, I also want you to realize that you're amazing just the way you are. And your fiancee, well, I don't know him but I do know he agrees with me.

    Sometimes being able to admit hardships to your family & friends is the hardest because they're the most critical of you. Coming out to the blogosphere is definitely a good first step. We're all here with open arms & love for you girl.

    You got this.

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    1. It gave me chills reading that. I just feel soooo much pressure to be perfect. I could care less about the decorations, etc. I feel like I need to be the best. But I guess I just need to be happy, right? Thanks for the pep talk, I definitely needed it <3

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  7. Way to be honest and vulnerable!!
    I'm not sure what I can say that would help, but I do think it's important to know that you are sooo not alone in your feelings/struggles/issues. So many of us are dealing with very similar things as you. We all have junk and baggage and ridiculous stuff in our lives (for example I need to get counseling because I've never been able to use tampons. what is that? so strange right?) and you are a super star. You be you and keep going at it. I hope that sounds as genuine as I mean it!!

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    1. First things first, I've only used a tampon twice in my life! Ridiculous, but I hate them so you're not alone! Thank you for all your support, Amanda <3

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