25 days

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

We're getting married in 25 days!!!!
It is absolutely blowing my mind. Knowing this huge milestone is coming up is a weird thing to try to wrap my head around.
Planning wise all is well. The rings are out getting soldered, the final payments are slowly being distributed and I had my final dress fitting last Thursday.
Slowly, but surely, all is coming together. Quite frankly I knew it would. I'm extremely organized, almost to a fault and hell I've had two year to plan so one would hope I'd have my stuff together.
Planning isn't my issue right now, it's the fact that I'm going to be married, like, to another human being, in less than a month. It's not scary, it's just a big deal! I'm ready but I'm not ready and there is really no other way to explain it.
We had our last marriage counseling session a few weeks ago. We spent the majority of it in the sanctuary planning how this would look, where this person would stand, etc. It wasn't until we were in the car on our way home when I realized what we had just done. I had planned my wedding ceremony. Right there, where we'd be standing before God in front on 230 of our closest friends and family. How huge is that?!
Marriage counseling was a really interesting experience. We did three sessions. The first was about God's view of marriage, the purpose, the must-haves, etc. Basically, session #1 laid the foundation. The next session was about confrontation. We talked about the biggest stressors of marriage like family, money, etc. and what happens/should happen when rifts arise. We identified some things that typically were sore spots for us and talked about how we reacted. For example, I cry and he gets quiet. Turns out, our reactions/stressors are extremely common and there are super easy ways to remedy them.
One remedy we found is the book our Pastor/counselor recommended, Love and Respect. The jist of it is a woman's primary need is loving/caring/compassion and a man's is respect/reverense/admiration. It's not to say women don't need respect and men don't need love, but it's the primary need like a love language.
The idea of this was hard for me to swallow. We are equals, damnit! I deserve respect too, don't I?! But I was going about it the wrong way. Our marriage isn't about me, it's about us. Yes I deserve respect, but I need to think about his needs and what he deserves too. And vice versa, of course.
Basically, what was so hard about marriage counseling for me was not thinking about myself first. It's a different state of mind. When you're single, it's about you; you are your primary concern. That is different for me now and I have to alter my thinking. It's hard.
Our last session was planning. Prepping for the wedding, planning the ceremony, preparing for our marriage and our lives together. I can honestly say I feel prepared. I may not be good at it, but I know how I need to think now.
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3 comments:

  1. great advice you've learned my friend!
    AND EEEEPPP 25 DAYS AWAY! so exciting!

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    Replies
    1. It's truly life changing. And OH MY GOSH I can't even believe it's SO soon.

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