Yes, I do realize all my posts have been numerically based lately. And it seems fitting. Lately my life is all about planning and organizing. So here I am with 6.
This year is more difficult. This year her anniversary is just a few weeks before my wedding and her birthday a mere 10 days.
Numbers, numbers, numbers.
I don't know where Kels and I would be in our friendship if she were still here. I'd like to think she would still be as big a part of my life as she was and that she'd be standing by my side supporting me on our big day.
Instead, her little sister Kaitlyn, whom I have grown close to since her passing, will be there with me. Not as a replacement, but as a friend. Kaitlyn used to bug the crap out of Kelsey and me when we would hang out at her house. Kaitlyn would always want to be there doing whatever we were doing. Little did I know just a few years later Kaitlyn and I would really need each other in the coming years. Going through losing a big sister/best friend at such tender ages (I was 16, Kaitlyn was 11 I believe) creates a bond no time, distance or life changes can break.
Anyway, I am not sure how I feel this anniversary. Kelsey was sick and suffering (she had Addison's Disease and no one knew/doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong) and I'm glad she's in a happier place. But God, it still hurts.
I don't wanna go to work today, but I am taking two weeks off more my wedding soon and I need the hours. I don't wanna get out of bed, but the dog needs let out. I don't wanna do much of anything, but 6 years, 2,190 days have passed. I need to go, I need to get up, I need to get married.
It is hard without her, it is hard getting older than she will ever be.
But it's part of life, and death.