A mere 18 days until I stand before God, my family and friends to marry my husband.
Unfortunately, I feel little excitement. I'm thrilled to be getting married and all the preparation is going perfectly, but I can't feel happy. I wrote about my struggles a while ago, but it's been a big hindrance lately.
Like I said, it's not nerves. It's mostly life in general.
I have a solid routine down by now. Sunday through Friday I wake up, do stuff around the apartment, go to work at the restaurant at 4, come home around 10, go to bed. Saturdays I work at the newspaper from 10-6, which is exhausting.
Other than that, lots of wedding stuff (the little things) is keeping me busy. And even though there's lots of people around me 90 percent of the time, I feel really alone. Cameron tries, but he has no idea what I'm going through and my family doesn't know at all.
The worst part is just not having the ability to enjoy myself during what is supposed to be the best time of my life.