Future Family?

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I'm 22, settled into my home and happily married.
So why am I so focused on what's next?

The last few weeks I have been totally preoccupied with the thought of having children. The idea terrifies me. When Cam and I first got together we were both adamantly against having kids.
I was anti-children mainly because having a girl terrifies me (my sisters were both bratty and dramatic children, which scarred me for life). Not to mention my terrible anxiety about the actual process of child birth *shudders*. Cameron's mom babysits in their home, which meant Cameron had to deal with his nieces and nephews plus a handful of other children on a daily basis until he moved out a year ago.
Before we got married we had dinner on night with Cameron's older brother and his wife. Somehow children came up in the conversation *queue Genna's anxiety* and when Cameron told his brother we had no intention of having kids he laughed and said, "Just give it a few years." Yeah, right...or so we thought.
We were at the county fair (strictly for the food, promise) a few weeks ago and we ran into a friend and his wife with their nine-month old. She had a little pony tail sticking straight out of the top of her head and was laughing and cooing and just being all-around adorable. I glanced at Cam, who usually grimaces when children are in the general vicinity. But this time he had a strange look on his face. Not quite yearning, but close to it.
Since then we've talked about the prospect of our future family a few times a week. Do we want kids? Do we wanna wait another five years? Ten years? Are we financially stable enough to even consider this? Should we just drift along and let whatever happens, happen and not plan at all? What if *gasp* we have a girl?
I am trying really, really hard to be content with where I am in my life. I have a wonderful husband, beautiful home, job that I love, two happy dogs and no babies to tend to at night. Still, I am preoccupied with the thought of kids.
My convictions about children have been stronger than ever lately. In pre-marital counseling we studied a lot about the Lord's purpose for marriage and families. He said children are blessings. Who wouldn't accept a blessing from God? Me. The idea scares me. Was I a bad person for that?
Maybe it's the idea of what's next. So far in my life I've always had something to look forward to. First it was graduating high school, then college, then engagement, then graduation, then the wedding, getting a job, then buying our home. And now...?
I need to be okay with where I am, I know that. But it's so nice to have something to look forward to.
Last week I was late. Not by a lot, just two days. My body usually runs like clockwork so I had a little "what if" floating around in my head. I didn't tell Cameron because two days is no big deal at all. But the seed has been planted.

3 comments:

  1. 1) Not everyone is meant to have children. That doesn't make some people better than others. There are a lot of reason to have children, and honestly, some of them are pretty selfish. There are a lot of reasons NOT to have children, and some of them are perfectly reasonable.

    2) You are still newlyweds! While everyone is probably all up in your business about kids (they totally are with me and it's annoying as F), it's seriously no one's business except you and your husband's. You are also very young newlyweds (no judging here--just a fact). You have plenty of time to figure out IF and then WHEN you'll have kids. Don't let others pressure you into rushing a life-changing decision.

    3) There are many opportunities to love children and to help children without physically giving birth. I'm personally giving great thought and research towards both adoption and fostering for our future, because I know I only want to have one pregnancy. Even just volunteering with children can be rewarding for you and a blessing for them.

    4) God provides us many opportunities for blessings. We are not bad Christians if we don't receive all Her options, or if we choose not to pursue all potential blessings.

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  2. Ryan and I were married four years before we had Henry. And I'll tell you what, I'm SO glad we enjoyed years of marriage before bringing a kid into the picture. We were fortunate (like you!) to find each other in college and (like you!) get married right after we graduated college. So, we were young and married and had plenty of time to think about kids down the road. I really think waiting years to have a child was one of the best/smartest decisions we made. Should you decide to have a child(ren), those early years of marriage before the babies arrive are the ONLY years you have where it's just the two of you. Sure, kids grow up and move out, but you still have kids and it's not just about you and your spouse. Hopefully I explained that well. Anyway, I just wanted to pip in and tell you I had the same thoughts as you did and sooooo many people (my mother, especially) pestered us those four years before we had Henry about when we were going to have a baby. Quite frankly, it was/still is none of their business and it's mind blowing that people think they can stick their nose into your private life. Also, my husband's older brother and his wife have been married 13 years and have no kiddos and no plans to have any. Nothing wrong with that at all. It's too bad some people see it that way. Good Luck :)

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    Replies
    1. I'm a terrible blogger and it has literally taken me months to answer this comment. I just wanted to say thank you for this sage advice. It means a lot to me to have someone say something that grounds me, and you certainly did that for me! I can only hope that my future children are as adorable and well dressed as Huck :)

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